Don’t talk badly about La Mer, Jackie. Don’t talk badly about La Mer, Jackie. You know the people who like La Mer REALLY like La Mer. They spend a lot of money to say that they swear by La Mer. Say something nice. You can do it.
Better yet, let’s talk about Johnnyswim. Have you ever heard of that band? They’re kind of amazing. The kind of amazing that made me stop what I was doing the first time I heard them come on over the speakers in the coffee shop I had holed up in and just listen. It was four minutes of pure amazement that voices could be so powerful. Don’t believe me? Watch this video: Drunks. Or this one: Diamonds. Just click. I promise it’s not a virus. Only a couple of YouTube videos that will transport you for a few minutes. You’re welcome.
You’re still reading this, aren’t you? Just waiting for me to go in on La Mer. Well, I’m not going to. I mean, I could say that this is one of the most overpriced, piece of garbage moisturizers I’ve ever used. I could say that it made my face greasy when I applied it. I could say that it took forever to absorb. I could say that it did nothing to improve the texture of my skin. I could say that it didn’t make my skin “glow.” I could say that it did nothing to help with my acne scars. I could say it was an average moisturizer at best. I could say that if you have $170.00 burning a hole in your pocket, you would do better to spend it on the AmorePacific Rejuvenating Creme, and you would save twenty bucks and get 0.7 ounces of product more. I could say that you would be better off just buying Cetaphil moisturizer, or one of the bombs from Belief if you just insist on going to Sephora. I could say that the smell of this reminds me of a cross between a funeral home or a perfume that was popular fifty years ago–powdery, vaguely floral, and so POWDERY. Did I mention it smells powdery? I could say that someone seriously sensitive to smells could almost go catatonic from just opening the jar. I could say that scents that powerful have no place in skin care. I could say a lot of things about this perfectly nondescrept looking jar of cream, but I’m not going to.
Instead I’m going to just talk about Johnnyswim. Have you still not clicked on the links to the videos up top? What are you waiting for? Me to say that La Mer is the most amazing skin care line ever devised? There you go. I said it. Now just watch this video: Tiny Desk Concert. Go spend your money somewhere else. May I suggest using it to purchase tickets to see Johnnyswim in concert?